No More Mr. Nice Hammer!!!

That's right! I spent last evening with a group of my closest friends playing cards and drinking heavily. At one point in the evening the talk turned to how much we have all changed, and the consensus of my friends was that I had mellowed the most to which I vehemantly denied. That of course was followed by a round of me being called pussy and various other nonmasculine names. I took offense to this naturally and began defending myself, but I was only shouted down and mocked. Testosterone can be such a pain in the ass at times. Well after this went on fotr awhile, I was pretty drunk and pretty much had had it with the teasing. I ended the night by saying that if I wasn't spending so much time bailing their asses out of trouble and doling out advice to everyone that came to me for help that maybe I would have some time to raise the hell that I used to. Well of course that started a new round or arguing that ended with me knocking one of my friends on his ass, and saying: "Whose the pussy now?" this naturally ended the card game and everyone left. Thankfully!

Well this episode did get me thinking, and even through my rum clouded fog I was able to figure out that in some crazy way, and deep down I knew that those bastards were right. I had mellowed. I woke up this morning with a shitstorm of a hangover, a bad attitude, and the overwhelming desire to tell everyone to pretty much fuck off. I am sick and fucking tired of playing wetnurse to everybody, and handing out life and relationship euphamisms like some sort of Punk version of Dear Abby. Guess what people, I dont have the fucking answers!! If I did do you think I would be sitting here! Hell no! I would be sitting on a huge pile of money on some tropical island with a naked hula girl in one hand and a Maui Wowie in the other!!

I'm sick to fucking death of always being the person people turn to when they need help. My life is screwed up enough, I don't need everyone elses shit piled on top of mine. I have been so busy trying to help everyone out to make them feel better that I have neglected doing anything to help myself. What a complete waste of fucking time this past year has been. I have wants and goals just like everyone else, but I dont see anyone offering me a hand. Well fuck that! I 'm so tired of this shit that it is making me ill. Im not a free fucking therapist. I know I used to be a counselor but I stopped doing that a year ago!! If you need life or relationship advice or a friendly ear to listen to your troubles or a shoulder to fucking cry on, then march your happy ass down to the nearest Social Service office and go whine to them and quit wasting my fucking time!!!!

I can't solve your problems. I have a hard enought time with my own. I don't want or even care to make you feel better, I want to make myself feel better. Is that selfish? Probably, but you know what, for the first time in a long time, I don't give a flying fuck!!

God Damn this feels good!!