Hammer’s Bludgeonings

thought

2006-12-27T14:21:00.000-06:00

Deny it, but your conscience bleeds belief...

Whatever

2006-09-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

Its been a few weeks since I have blogged so I figured I better remedy that. The only problem is that I do not have anything to blog about. Life has gone on lo these many weeks much as it has done for weeks on end. I work, I hang out, I spend time with my kids, meh its all pretty tame. So for those expecting a witty read I apologize in advance for the rather ordinary ramblings that will be forthcoming. On second thought I don't apologize. This is my blog dammit, go find your entertainment elsewhere!!! You sicko voyeuristic perverts.... you're my kind of people!

As I mentioned nothing really new has been going on. My oldest son has started playing football this year. I am enjoying this way more than I thought I would. He plays wide receiver on offense though they rarely pass, and then he plays middle linebacker on defense. He got his first interception last Saturday which was cool. It was the last play of the first half and it saved a potential touchdown by the opposing team.

My work, though still important has grown rather stale. I am getting increasingly burnt out and have been actively looking for something different. I have submitted a few resumes but so far nothing promising has tunred up. My boss has gotten on my last nerve and if I don't find something new soon there good be an incident!

I just got Terry Brooks' new book Armaggedon's Children. I have only read the first few chapters but so far so good. I have my reservations about this one but will withhold judgement until I have finished reading it.

The personl life is going well as usual. I am enjoying dating several women and I am seemingly adding new ones all the time. I have possible plans this weekend to spend some time with someone, but have as of yet made up my mind. I may follow the advice of someone wise and in the know and pass.

I got seriously licquered two weekends ago. I started on a friday and really did not stop until sometime Sunday morning. I learned a valuable lesson that weekend. I think I am getting too old for that kind of partying!! The mind was willing, but unfortunaley the body was unable to keep up. You should have seen me that Sunday morning, it wasn't pretty. I have a really horrid pic but don't think I want to post it. I looked like something a cat might hock up. It was a fun weekend, but I paid for it.

There is really nothing else to report. As I mentione life has been going on much as it has in the Hammer household for quite awhile now. I have no real complaints other than I am looking at an empty glass at the moment. I think I shall have to remedy that as well. Hope all is well with everyone out there...ah, who am I kidding? I don't really care! Later Taters!

Ultimate Survey

2006-09-07T10:59:00.000-05:00

This is to keep myself in good standing with Court!

Full Name: I don't think so...
Nicknames: WarHammer, Hammer, Bee
Hometown: The Hog Captal of the World
Croutons or Bacon Bits: Neither, I don't eat salad
Favorite Sald Dressing: See above
Have you ever gone skinny dipping: yes
Do you make fun of people: on occasion
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: convicted....no
Best Online freinds: Court, Darcia, Armadillo
One pillow or two?: two
Pets: 2 dogs Layla and Gambit
Favorite Type of Music: Punk or heavy alternative
Hobbies: reading, writing, cigars, baseball, Fantasy Football
Dream car: don't have one. I could care less as long as it gets me to where I want to go
Type of car you drive now: Pontiac Aztec and a Buick Century
Words or phrases you overuse: For fucks sake!
Toothpaste: Crest
Favorite Food: burrito!
Tattoos and Piercings: I have four tattoos, one on each limb, and I have my left ear pierced
Most Romantic thing thats ever happened to you: I don't think its happened yet
Do you get along with your parents: for the most part
Favorite Town to chill in: anywhere out west
Favorite Ice Cream: I hate ice cream
Favorite Softe Drink: Diet pepsi
What's your bedtime: whenever I collapse
Addidas Nike, or Reebok: Nike
Favorite perfume/Cologne: don't really have any
Favorite Song at the Moment: toss up between Hinder's Lips of an Angel and Three Days Grace's Animal I Have Become
Favorite Website:I have many I go to but none that I would call a favorite
Least Favorite Subject in School:Math
Most Humiliating Moment:I don't get humiliated. I usually just go with the moment
Loudest Person I know: firend of mine's girlfriend
Craziest or Silliest Person you know: That would encompass just about everyone I know
Favorite Holiday: Halloween
What do you look for in someone of tyhe opposite sex: someone who does not need to be taken care of and is not afraid to speak their mind. Quirkiness is also a major turn on
Things I've learned from life: It is entirely too short
ICQ#: I have no idea
Favorite Number: 5
Favorite Color: black but I like all dark colors
Greatest experience in your lifetime: Watching my kids being born
who means the most to you: my kids
Drinking Habits: depends on my mood, but I do so enjoy a certain mixed drink...
Windows/macintosh/Unix: Windows
Favorite Quote: All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream. ---Edgar Allan Poe

Shameless Self Promotion Part Deux

2006-08-07T09:54:00.000-05:00

Yes this is another plug for a short story of mine. This one is titled Faith and a Hammer, and it will be appearing in the September issue of The Writer's Post Journal. Here is a sneak peek at the cover of that issue:

This is a more traditional Fantasy story featuring one of the genre's most beloved Races. It tells the story of a young Dwarf and how he learns what it means to be considered a man in Dwarven society. As always if you want more info about the magazine click on LBF Books in my Believers in the Gospel area. That is all...

Water Heaters, Vacations, and Storms...Oh My!

2006-08-03T09:43:00.000-05:00

Well I just returned from a mini vacation with my kids last night. We had a great time, but I have officially gotten my first sun burn ever, and it hurts like a fucker! My back and shoulders are deep fried and blistering nicely. We went to a place called FunCity so as you can imagine it was well...fun. It had a huge waterpark, and a 10, 00 square foot arcade among other things (like a $1.50 Margarita night!) A good time was had by all!

The day before we were scheduled to leave, I noticed I had a rather large pond in my basement! I felt like I was trapped in the underground tunnels in Paris. I was waiting for the Phantom of the Opera to pop out at any time and break into song! My water heater had rusted through on the bottom and was flooding the basement. So I gathered up my kids two by two and called a plumber friend of mine and he hooked me up with a good deal on a new water heater. The stupid water in this town is awful. There is a natural source of radium in the bedrock of this city. For those playing at home, radium is a major carcinogenic and when it breaks down it turns into a lovely little gas known as carbon monoxide!! They tell you it is ok to drink, but if you drink too much your piss starts glowing in the dark so I tend to stay away from it.

Last night upon returning a nice storm blew into town. It has been so fucking hot here lately that it is almost unbearable. For those unfamiliar with the midwest it not only gets hot 95-100 degrees, it gets so humid you can't breath. Its like having a huge rock sitting on your chest. It gets like a swamp here. This is how it has been the last week. I just saw a thing on the news that said this has been the hottest week on record which goes as far back as the mid 1800's. Welcome to my world! The result of all this built up heat and humidity is of course major thunderstorms! Now I love a good storm. In my opinion there is nothing better or more invigorating than a wicked ass thunder storm. Last night was different however, as I have never seen something so fierce. I have to admit I was a little worried there for awhile. The electricity went on and off all night which is a pain in the ass and the wind was ungodly. I stayed up and watched the whole thing unfold, and it reached a fevered pitch around 3am. I almost woke the kids up and went to the basement which would have been a first. Gods what a monster!

Oh well that has been my last few days in a nutshell. More later!!

Black Cherry

2006-07-30T02:14:00.000-05:00

This stuff is the absolute shit!!!!

I picked a bottle of this up on some advice from a friend, and I think I am in love! I have consumed the majority of this bottle, and I must say, I am feeling pretty good....

Shameless Self Promotion

2006-07-21T10:32:00.000-05:00

This is a plug for a short story of mine that is going to be published in the August edition of The Writer's Post Journal. Here is a look at the cover:

It is an interesting peek into the mind of a fledgling serial killer as he gets his first taste of murder. If you want more info on the magazine click on the LBF Books link in the Believers in the Gospel section.

Later Days and Better Lays All

That Makes Me Angry....

2006-07-12T13:43:00.000-05:00

... and when Dr. WarHammer gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset people DIE!

Softball

2006-06-15T11:48:00.000-05:00

Well for starters my daughter's team won their game last night beating th eonly other undefeated team in the league. This means my daughter's team is in first place all by themselves. She did not pitch in the game, but she played a mean left center actually throwing a girl out at second. She also walked twice, and scored the go ahead run.

And if that wasn't exciting enough, I scored with the umpire! I actually met her last week at a different game. She is a pretty hot softball chick with a killer body. I think I won her over when after being heckled by another guy in the crowd who kept complaining about the strike zone by constantly saying "Nice call ump" very sarcastically over and over agian, I called out "Nice ass ump". This got a nice chuckle from the crowd, and an over the schoulder sarcastic look from the ump. Once she noticed it was me she smiled and shook her head, and the next thing I knew I had her phone number in hand and a date for this weekend. Man I dig women that are athletic!

Hola

2006-06-13T14:28:00.000-05:00

Why hello everyone. I am updating my blog because I was threatened that certain parts of my anatomy would be sacrificed to some monkey god if I didn't!

Well I have been pretty busy lately so I have been lazy in my blogging responsibilities. I have been happily doing DVD reviews the past few weeks for Static Multimedia, and it has been extremely fun not to mention my DVD collection has been growing by leaps and bounds. If anyone is interested head on over to that website. I will probably be adding a link in my, you guessed it, link section sometime soon. I am also going to be doing movie reviews for Fractal Matter. I will be doing Nacho Libre this month. I don't know if it will be used or not. That Burk is a stickler and a bit of a power drunk slave driver....Just kidding Burk!

My two older kids have started baseball and softball respectfully. Between there practices and games my social life has taken a hit, but I dont mind. I am a baseball fanatic so how could I complain. My son isn't really that interested in the sport, he merely plays to hang out with his friends. My daughter on the other hand is pretty cut throat! She is awesome, and I am proud to say a bit of a headhunter when she is pitching!!

I finally put in for my vacation. I will be taking the last couple days of July and the first week and a half of August off. I don't have any definite plans yet, but needless to say it will be full of drunken shenanigans and plenty of debauchery. I just hope I can make it through the next few weeks without flipping out and spraying some serious lead. I am just a tad on the burnt out side if you couldn't tell.

Life has been good since last I blogged. The weather has been hot, the girls have been scantily clad, and the alcohol has been ice cold! I also just picked up a new box of Romeo & Juliet Cigars which I am excited about. There is absolutely nothing like a good Cigar. Well I guess that is all for now. Hopefully this will satisfy the monkey face God so my fingernails whislt not have to be sacrificed!! Later Days people....

A Song I Like

2006-06-04T19:41:00.000-05:00

Here is a song by Hinder that I like. It is getting a lot of radio play these days. I just saw them in concert a few days ago. They were decent if not great.

"Lips Of An Angel"

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those wordsa it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

Yoinked this from Court

2006-05-25T14:43:00.000-05:00

Your Linguistic Profile::

70% General American English

10% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

The wierd thing is I'm only 5% percent midwest, but I have lived here all my life!!

The Monday Blahs

2006-05-22T15:13:00.000-05:00

Shit do I have a bad case of these. Mondays quite frankly simple blow. I had absolutely no desire to come into work today. If I can just make it through this week, I have a three day weekend coming up as it is Memorial Day weekend. If today is any indication of how this week is going to go, then I'm in trouble because today has been slow as hell.

The weekend was hectic as I had five, yep count them five, graduation parties to attend. That left me very little time for anything else. I can't complain though because after my epiphany Friday I have been on a pretty good high. Even though I did get a disloctaed knuckle out of the deal. Let me tell ya, having that puppy snapped back into place is a piss your pants kind of pain!! Thank God for Captain Morgan to help dull the ache!

I did manage to get out and see The Da Vinci Code on Saturday night. I was pretty disappointed in it. The book was so fast paced and entertaining yet the movie was slow and pretty boring at times. It was way too long as well. Up next is X3 though, and I am sure that will lift my cinematic spirits!

I have thrown myself back into one of my biggest passions, writing. I have written very little the last few months and I think It was because I have been surrounded by such negative energy. Now that I have started to clear that away the creative juices are starting to flow again so look out that you don't get any on ya! I have two short stories being reviewed by magazines as well as my first book. It is under submission as we speak. I will hopefully be hearing back some time in the next month or so. I am also trying to expand my writing repertoire by doing some film reviews. I am also going to try ny hand at doing some freelance work. I'm not sure how good I will be at that so I will have to see how it goes.

well I guess that is all for now. You are all dismissed.

No More Mr. Nice Hammer!!!

2006-05-20T11:16:00.000-05:00

That's right! I spent last evening with a group of my closest friends playing cards and drinking heavily. At one point in the evening the talk turned to how much we have all changed, and the consensus of my friends was that I had mellowed the most to which I vehemantly denied. That of course was followed by a round of me being called pussy and various other nonmasculine names. I took offense to this naturally and began defending myself, but I was only shouted down and mocked. Testosterone can be such a pain in the ass at times. Well after this went on fotr awhile, I was pretty drunk and pretty much had had it with the teasing. I ended the night by saying that if I wasn't spending so much time bailing their asses out of trouble and doling out advice to everyone that came to me for help that maybe I would have some time to raise the hell that I used to. Well of course that started a new round or arguing that ended with me knocking one of my friends on his ass, and saying: "Whose the pussy now?" this naturally ended the card game and everyone left. Thankfully!

Well this episode did get me thinking, and even through my rum clouded fog I was able to figure out that in some crazy way, and deep down I knew that those bastards were right. I had mellowed. I woke up this morning with a shitstorm of a hangover, a bad attitude, and the overwhelming desire to tell everyone to pretty much fuck off. I am sick and fucking tired of playing wetnurse to everybody, and handing out life and relationship euphamisms like some sort of Punk version of Dear Abby. Guess what people, I dont have the fucking answers!! If I did do you think I would be sitting here! Hell no! I would be sitting on a huge pile of money on some tropical island with a naked hula girl in one hand and a Maui Wowie in the other!!

I'm sick to fucking death of always being the person people turn to when they need help. My life is screwed up enough, I don't need everyone elses shit piled on top of mine. I have been so busy trying to help everyone out to make them feel better that I have neglected doing anything to help myself. What a complete waste of fucking time this past year has been. I have wants and goals just like everyone else, but I dont see anyone offering me a hand. Well fuck that! I 'm so tired of this shit that it is making me ill. Im not a free fucking therapist. I know I used to be a counselor but I stopped doing that a year ago!! If you need life or relationship advice or a friendly ear to listen to your troubles or a shoulder to fucking cry on, then march your happy ass down to the nearest Social Service office and go whine to them and quit wasting my fucking time!!!!

I can't solve your problems. I have a hard enought time with my own. I don't want or even care to make you feel better, I want to make myself feel better. Is that selfish? Probably, but you know what, for the first time in a long time, I don't give a flying fuck!!

God Damn this feels good!!

What a Storm!

2006-05-18T09:58:00.000-05:00

Gods, what an awesome storm we had yesterday. I haven's seen a storm with that kind of fury roll through these parts in a long time. It has been raining off and on for the last four days, which I have liked. I love the rain; the way it smells and it often just fits my mood and personality. This storm that hit yesterday was different however. It was just incredible. I was finishing up a work out when I heard the tornado sirens go off. I was a bit confused because when I had started working out, the sun was shining. Then all of a sudden I heard this roar, and what sounded like an entire army running across the roof. So I went to a window and was stunned by the ferociousness that I saw. It was raining so hard that you couldn't see more than a couple of feet. So I grabbed my gear and went outside to stand under the awning and watch this beast in all of its glory.

The raindrops were huge, almost the size of a childs fist, and they were falling so hard and fast that it sounded like it was raining gravel! I waited a few minutes to see if it would let up enough for me to make a mad dasjh to my car. I knew my daughter was probably going crazy as she does not share my love of inclement weather. Well of course it doesnt let up, so I take off running, and the wind and rain was so hard that I felt like I was being physically attacked as I made my way to my car. I drove over to the sitter's and picked my kids up dodging tree limbs and flying garbage cans. The streets had become so flooded that I thought I was going to need an Ark to get home. Then the hail started.

It was pebble sized and just came streaming from the sky like it was out for vengeance! I have seen hail, but never with this intensity and never lasting this long. When the hail finally did stop, it looked like it had snowed. The ground was completely covered. I made it home fairly safe with my kids who were all a little shaken up but otherwise ok. They all went in the house, but I was mesmerized. I stayed outside on my deck and watched the rage in which this storm carried itself. The almost deafening thunderclaps followed by the blinding flashes of lightening that looked if it was close enough to grab along with the torrential downpour was awe-inspiring. I watched helplessly as a huge limb was torn from a tree in my backyard and blown ino my neighbors yard smashing several flower pots! It was incredible.

I dont remember ever feeling that invigorated or charged up before. The fury of that storm was like a huge jolt of caffeine. Had I the nerve, I would have stripped down and ran out into it naked. Letting the huge raindrops cleanse the stresses of the past week from my body like some sort of bizarre baptism. It finally let up after about an hour. I was completely drenched, but I havent felt that good in awhile. It continued to rain for most of the evening, but the rage of the storm had passed. I felt completely spent by the whole experience. It was such an adrenaline rush. Later in the evening, I went back outside and smoked one of my best cigars and revelled in the memory. What a great fucking storm!

Hump Day Ramblings

2006-05-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

Well it is Wednesday and I haven't blogged in a few days so I thought I would just ramble on for awhile about nothing in particular.

God, I love beef jerky!! Its almost the perfect food. I am eating it for breakfast at the moment. My breakfast of champions...coffee and jerky!

I got an unexpected visit from my old neighbor last Sunday. You know, the one I blew things with. She was up visiting her Mother for Mother's Day and decided to do the dreaded pop in. It was nice seeingt her if not a bit of a surprise. Here I had resigned myself to the fact that she was gone, and boom then here she is. Needless to say I was thrown for a bit of an emotional loop. It was really nice talking with her, but it was also a slap in the face to be reminded how badly I blew it. The last few days have been filled with self-loathing for what I missed out on. I still can't believe how stupid I was.

An update on the Tool Cd. After listening to it multiple times, I have decided that I do not like it. It doesn't have no where near the edge that their other CD's have. My son liked it, so I gave it to him.

I am embarrassed to admit that I have become addicted to that damn American Idol. I hate reality television, and in all honesty I watch very little TV. There's just a handful of shows that I make it a point to watch other than that my TV is rarely on. My daughter loves that show, and she would always ask me to watch it with her, and so like a good father I would suck it up and watch, and without my realizing it, I became hooked!! The tricky little bastards sucked me right in!. I was super pissed when Chris got voted out, and all I can say is that Taylor better win! If that annoying ass chick wins, I will put my foot through the screen! I feel better for letting that out. I have been holding that secret in for far too long....

My stretch of insomnia has finally ended, but now I feel like going to sleep all the time. I think my body is trying to catch up. I don't know why, but I go through these longs bouts of sleeplessness periodically. I generally don't mind them, but you reach a point where you just stop feeling like yourself, and feel like you are just going through the motions. Its like you are stuck in a thick fog.

I am getting pretty excited about The Da Vince Code movie that is coming out this weekend. That was one of my favorite books of the last couple of years, so seeing it on the bigscreen could be cool. I hope it is not going to be Hollywoodized though.

Well, I guess that is enough for now. Until next time true believers. Later Days

No Particular Topic

2006-05-11T09:57:00.000-05:00

It has been a slow ass week with not a lot happening so I figure I would just ramble on about a variety of things.

I ended things with the cashier from Hot Topic. She is really cool, but there was just no chemistry. We had talked a few times on the phone and were discussing going out again, but I knew that it was going nowhere and after chatting with a friend who offered up some good advice, I decided to let the cashier know that I wasn't interested. It was a bit awkward and she was kind of surprised but she was really cool about it. I always feel like such an asshole when I have to break things off with someone, but its better than having no balls and dragging things out until someone gets hurt. I think a real man wouldn't play that kind of bullshit game.

I picked up the new Tool CD and have been listening to it quite a bit. I haven't decided if I like it yet. I like Tool, but this sounds different from what I am used to. Its going to take a few more listens for me to make up my mind.

I am really excited about some upcoming movies. I am a bit of a movie geek, but I'm ok with that so back off!! The DaVinci Code, and X-men 3 are out this month!!

My job is really starting to drag me down, and I am feeling incredibly burnt out. I need to take some time off, but I am waiting until July when my best friend can take some time. We are planning on a roadtrip, but to where and to do what we haven't decided. Right now it looks like Vegas could be the destination, but that could change before July. I just hope I dont flip out and go on some kind of rampage before then!!!

My new computer is the shit!!! The picture quality of my monitor is better than my TV!! It makes internet porn so much more entertaining.....oops I mean uh...funny internet movies...yeah thats it....

Its almost Mother's day, and I have yet to get my Mom something! I still have the weekend to get it done so I won't panic....yet.

I guess that is all for now. Later Days

What a Weekend

2006-05-08T10:19:00.000-05:00

What an odd kind of weekend this past one was.

It started off nice with the arrival of my new computer. My best friend came up and we got it installed and then decided to go out for Cinco De Mayo. There is a rather large Mexican population in the town that I live so you can imagine that is was party central. Several of my neighbors are from Mexico so all my friend and I had to do was walk down my street and we hit several parties. Hell we didn't even make it to the end of the block. I couldn't tell ya what time I got home and what all happened. The tequila started flowing and all I remember is waking up on my couch Saturday morning with a killer hangover. Cinco De Mayo kicked my ass!!

Saturday I pretty much layed around feeling like crap. That afternoon was my daughter's 9th birthday party so I enjoyed that. I got her a new bike which was a big hit. After the party I went home took a quick nap and then got up and met some friends out. I was still feeling kind of crappy so I made it an early night. I rented a couple of movies and messed around on the computer. For the record Charlize Theron is hot, and even hotter in that tight black outfit, but Aeon Flux was kind of a pissy movie. It was 3am when I finished the movies and for whatever reason I was wired and could not sleep. So I put on a pot of coffee, an awesome Kona Blend, and sat on my front porch and watched the sun come up. It has ben a long time since I have seena sunrise. It is really an exhillarating experience and I recommend that everyone should try and do every once in awhile. Everything is so calm, quiet , and peaceful at that time of day.

Well anyways, I went to bed about 8am Sunday morning only to be rudely awakened by the ex at 10am. As you would expect I was not my usually charming self. It seem sthe ex was planning on taking the kids and a few of my daughter's friends on a bike ride. She wanted to borrow my vehicle as it can hold several bikes, and my daughter's bike needed some adjusting. No big deal I thought so I fixed the bike. In the mean time she starts nagging me about how I didnt help her plan the birthday party even though she told me she had everything covered so I told her I would pay for everything. It worked out fine and my daughter had a good time. So here I am on very little sleep still with a touch of bottle flu from Cinco De Mayo working on a bike with abot ten kids running around my yard and I pretty much told her to shut up and sent her on her merry way. In her temper tantrum she jumps into her car to move it, and runs overne of the kids bikes and demolishes it! Now stupid me, I thought that when you backed out of a driveway, you would take a gander in the rerview mirror. Now granted the kid should not have parked his bike in the driveway, but come on really.

Things just got crazy after that. Kids and parents all over the place. If I would have had some sort of automatic weapon I would have taken out the whole lot of them. I felt bad for the kid, so I ended up buying him a new bike and his parents were cool about it and they split the cost. They pack of wild 9 year olds eventually left for their bike trip , finally leaving with much deserved solitude. I spent the rest of the evening reading and enjoying the silence.

New Computer!!

2006-05-05T15:26:00.000-05:00

Finally it is here!! My old computer died on me last week, and I have been without ever since! It was time for a new one. The old Gateway that I had was on its last legs. The sound had gone out, I replaced the hard drive and several other components. It was basically cobbled togethor forom several different systems. It s the Franken-computer!! It had no memory left and it ran so slow that I used to get pissed waiting for pages to download. The monitor was going bad which made everything look dark too.

Now though, I have a Dell with state of the art sound and 19 inch LCD Monitor with 1 full Gig of memory!! I am alomost getting sexually aroused just thinking about it!! My best friend is coming up to help me get everything up and running which should be hillarious because as it is also Cinco De Mayo I am sure we will indulge in several adult type beverages!

Weekend Update

2006-05-01T13:51:00.000-05:00

What a cool weekend. For starters it was a three day weekend so that made it even nicer. It started off with me getting my new tattoo. It is fucking awesome!! Pics will be forthcoming. I am waiting until it heals a little bit before taking anymore pics. My cashier friend went along for the ride. She was thinking about getting another tatto herself, and wanted to check this place out. It was nice because I was there for awhile, it took about 3 hours for the whole tattoo so she kept me company. Afterwards I took her to work, and went home where my piece of shit computer died on me. I was so pissed! I did buy a new one today, but I wont be getting it until sometime next week which blows. So the only time I will be on for the next week or so is when I am at work.

Anyways, I picked my new cahsier friend up after work that night, and we went out for a quick bite to eat and a couple od drinks then we went back to her apartment and watched a couple of movies and talked pretty much all night. I ended up crashing on her couch. So on Saturday I got up and fixed her breakfast. I make the best cheese omelettes for thos ethat are interested! Then I went home got some rest, got cleaned up and went to pick her up for our official date. It was real cool. We went out and got something to eat at a nice Italian restaurant that is a favorite of mine. We polished off a couple glasses of wine, and then went to a club that was one of her favorite hangouts. I got to meet a bunch of her friends. They all seemed decent though I did spend that much time with them. We ended up closing the club, and then going to another. When it closed we were both buzzing pretty good so we went back to her place had some fun, and crashed out.

Woke up Sunday, and she made me breakfast. It was good, but I was pretty hungover so I couldn't full appreciate it. I hung out for a bit and then went home and passed back out for awhile. I spent the rest of the evening with my youngest son computer shopping. All in all it was a very cool weekend.

Green Day!!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-26T10:11:00.000-05:00

Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a complete fool for Green Day. I caught them in concert last year, and it was a hell of a show! I even went as Billie Joe for Halloween last year( he and I also share the same birthday, how cool is that??!!) Well anyways, here is one of my favorite songs!

"Give Me Novacaine"

Take away the sensation inside

Bitter sweet migraine in my head

Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind

I can't take this feeling anymore

Drain the pressure from the swelling,

The sensations overwhelming,

Give me a long kiss goodnight and

everything will be alright

Tell me that I won't feel a thing

So give me Novacaine

Out of body and out of mind

Kiss the demons out of my dreams

I get the funny feeling, that’s alright

Jimmy says it's better than here,

I’ll tell you why

Drain the pressure from the swelling,

The sensations overwhelming,

Give me a long kiss goodnight

and everything will be alright

Tell me that I won't feel a thing,

So give me Novacaine

Oh Novacaine

Drain the pressure from the swelling,

The sensations overwhelming

Give me a long kiss goodnight

and everything will be alright

Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,

So give me Novacaine

Best Store Ever!

2006-04-23T12:27:00.001-05:00

That's right kiddies, I'm talking about Hot Topics!! Is there a more cool store in this universe? I think not!! Well anyways, I got sort of conned into going shopping yesterday. For the record, I am not a good shopper, as I tend to hate people and waiting in arbitrary lines. So anyway I sucked it up, and was a good sport and went along for the trip. Initially it pretty much sucked, until I was able to find my oasis in among the preppie and trendy little stores. ( Is khaki like the only thing people where anymore! I mean give me a fucking break. I felt like I was in the French Foreign Legion! If you could see me, I am actually shivering in disgust.) There it was shining like a beacon calling me home...the black entrance way with the slightly muffled sounds of Blink182 wafting out into otherwise lame-ass mall. I knew I was saved!! I nearly ran across the mall knocking preppies, and hair sprayed college girls out of my as I succumbed to the calling of my salvation!!

Walking through that dark tunnel like entrance is a spiritual event! The store was not quite crowded, but I knew I was back among my people. The music, the clothes, the accessories. the really cool South Park toys....I was home. The sights and sounds and aromas were almost intoxicating. I love the smell of attitude. I had been saved from the false promises of commerce by the in your face rebellion of Punk!! I of course made a few purchases so my day was not a total lost. Hot Topics.....the promised land. They also have some of the greatest T-shirts ever!! to top it all off....I scored the cashier chicks phone number!!!!!

Anyways, here is what I bought:

Internet Wanderings...

2006-04-20T11:04:00.000-05:00

I was surfing the net and ran across this pic. I thought it was cool and so I decided to share which is odd because I am usually not that nice. Anyways, enjoy....

Yep, She Loves Me

2006-04-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

My dog Layla that is. Here she is:

She has been with me for the past 7 years. She was dumped when she was only about 5 weeks old, and I took her in, and as luck would have it she decided to adopt me. She is named of course for the great rock song from one of the greatest musicians in history one Eric Clapton. (I tried to name my oldest son Eric Clapton but my then wife vetoed it). Layla has been with me through the best and worst of times, and I think she is the only female that has ever truly understood me. She still gets really excited when I come home which is cool because not even my kids do that anymore!! Layla can read my emotions perfectly, and always know when I am having a bad day because she will come and put her head in my lap and look at me with her eyes as if saying "buck up camper things will get better". She is the only dog that I know that enjoys a good burrito as much as I do and she seems to have a passion for Bud Lite. She loves to sit on the couch with me and watch movies and baseball and doesnt mind my yelling and swearing when my teams loses. Its amazing how attached you can become to a pet. I know that I care about what happens to Layla more than I do for most members of my family. Ah tis true friendship...

Its a Tattoo World

2006-04-18T10:16:00.001-05:00

So I am getting my new tattoo this weekend, and I am realy excited. Its going to be on my right shoulder and will include some medieval weapons, Chinese symbols, possibly a setting son or maybe a thuderstorm, and my youngest son's name. I am getting it done at American Inkwell.

Here is there site http://americaninkwell.com

Here is a couple pics:

The guy kneeling down, did the dragon that I have on my left leg. He does really good work.

I blog therefore I am

2006-04-17T10:26:00.000-05:00

For those of you playing along at home, I have not been the most active blogger, I am going to try and improve on that. Being witty is hard work though so who knows how long this surge will last.

I have found myself in the unique postion lately of really starting to dislike my job. I just had my one year performance eval, and my boss commented that it seemed to her that I had lost my enthusiasm for the job, and she is right. I don't know, I think I need a change, and I don't just mean with work. I feel like I am an old ninyl LP that has a scratch on it and it is stuck in one spot repeating the same thing over and over again. I hate feeling like that. I don't know what I am going to do yet, but it is definately time to make some changes both professionally and personally. I need to find some way to re-energize myself. If anyone has a suggestion, I am open to ideas.

Here are a few random thoughts and concepts that have been runing around the inside of my head:

I have a deep aversion to the MSN MySpace. I am not sure why other than they have become so popular, and I generally dislike popular things.

My house has become entirely to quiet; so much so that it is deafening at times.

Is it weird that to feel a genuine friendship with someone you have never actually met?? That one is a toughy

I have been using the term "shitballs" quite frequently. I don't know why other than it sounds funny and cracks me up.

I am very close to coming to a decision that is long overdue, but the potential consequences of are pretty frightening.

Momentary Lapse of Reason

2006-04-14T11:31:00.000-05:00

I know it has been forever and a day since I have last blogged, but I have a lot of shit on my mind that I need to get off my chest. I have had a pot and a half of coffee and I am buzzing like mother fucker!

Life, what a kick in the sac this is. If there is one thing I have learned is that there is no guarantee that you have anymore time than right now. You only get one go round on this ride so you better make it count. I have literally been bludgeoned over the head with that point time and again this past year, and you would think I would have learned my lesson. Well, I am here to tell you that I have! No longer am I going to waste my fucking time worrying about the stupid shit. You have to live this minute like it is the best minute of your life, and then move to the next minute and live that one the same way because my friends these minutes are we all have. There is no guarantee that you will be given a second more. Happiness is fleeting temptress and a concept that I have never been all that fond of, but the opposite, regret, can eat you alive. I lost a real opportunity at something special with an incredible person this past weekend because I was so caught up in stupid bullshit and kept putting off doing what I knew in my heart to be right because I thought there would be time. Well the sand in my hourglass ran out and she is gone and I am left here haunted by that evil bitch Regret.

You are the only person in this world that truely knows what makes you happy. If anyone else gets in the way of that and tries to tell you different then fuck them and shame on you for listening. You absolutely have to take the risk and go for it because this moment is it. Stupid shit happens all the time for no good reason. A close friend of mine was killed last summer in a stupid bullshit accident. I know for a fact that he he thought he had time to get the things that he wanted, well life stepped in and took it all away. I will be God Damned if that is going to happen to me. If you can find someone that makes you happy then by God you have to experience it. Even if friends and family think that it is a mistake, but that is their job. They look after you and they wouldnt be good friends if they didnt worry about you and want to help, but when it comes to what you know will make you happy then they have to but the hell out. I am not talking about true love or other such concepts, I am merely referring to what makes you happy. You may even know in your heart that this person isn't "the one" but that they make you happy and feel good for right now then dammit you have to go balls to the wall and live it. I am as cynical as they come, but damn if I can someone that makes me feel good then there is no way in hell that I am letting them slip through my fingers again. I fucked up big time. Who knows if another opportunity will makes it way to my door again. I wasted my minute, and it has cost me dearly.

I forgot how much I loved this Song

2006-01-31T08:37:00.000-06:00

"Want You Bad"

If you could only read my mind
You would know that things between us Ain't right
I know your arms are open wide
But you're a little on the straight side
I can't lie

Your one vice
Is you're too nice
Come around now can't you see

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complete me
Mistreat me
Want you to be bad, bad, bad, bad, bad

If you could only read my mind
You would know that I've been waiting
So long
For someone almost just like you
But with attitude, I'm waiting
So come on

Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can't you see

I want you
In a vinyl suit
I want you bad

Complicated
X-rated
I want you bad, bad, bad, bad, bad... bad

Don't get me wrong
I know you're only being good
But that's what's wrongI guess
I just misunderstood

I want you
All tattooed
I want you bad

Complicated
X-rated
I want you bad

I mean it
I need it
I want you bad, bad, bad, bad, badbad, really really bad

Word

2006-01-30T11:43:00.000-06:00

Well another weekend has passed. It was ok, though I did not do much. I just hung around my house for the most part and watched movies. I saw Dark Waters which was pretty stupid. Jennifer Connoly is hot, but that movie was just plain bad. I caught the remake of The Amytiville Horror as well. It was alright, but no where near what the original was. I picked up The Offspring's greatest hits CD this weekend, and it is fantastic. I can't believe that band has been around that long. It makes me feel old. Though I would venture a guess that I could still drink most of you young whipper snappers out there under the proverbial table. Speaking of drinking, I have been aon a gin binge the last week. i'm not sure why. I used to hate the stuff. It always reminded me of Christmas tree like if you could actually juice an X-Mas tree that is what it would taste like. Suddenly though I have developed a taste for it. Weird.... The only real excitement this weekend was when my dog caught and killed a rat and decided to leave it at my backdoor as a present. I walked outside, almost stepped onthe damn thing and nearly fell off my proch when I noticed it. Once I recovered I tossed the carcass into the trash, but it leads me to wonder just where it came from in the first place!!! I have lived at this house for almost 7 years now and have never seen a rat!! oh well, time to start another work week. Ta Ta

Sup

2006-01-08T17:26:00.000-06:00

Man am I tired. I dont think I have slep at all this weekend. I went to a party on Friday night, and that is pretty much the last thing I remember. Gotta love those lost weekends! Its starting to catch up to me though as now I feel like I have been hit by a very large SUV. I hate Sundays. They always seem togo fast and they are just a prelude to the work week that lies ahead like a long barren wasteland until the next weekend once again brings salvation. At some point over this weekend, I must have twisted my knee because it hurts like hell and swollen to a nice size. I choked down some pain pills, but they are not helping so instead I am limping around like some kind of geezer. I am hoping that the swelling will be down by tomorrow because I really dont feel like sitting at my desk in pain all day. Oh Well, that is all for now.

been awile....

2005-12-14T10:02:00.000-06:00

Wow, I didn't realize how long it has been since I blogged. Let's see, not that much has really been going on. The weather here sucks the big cheese weenie. It has been snowing for the past week, and later today we are supposed to get my favorite, Freezing Rain! I hate winter in the midwest. Nothing like having to drive to work and getting killed in a winter wonderland. I have not even started X-mas shopping yet as I generally hate people and stores seem so full of them this time of year. I did take my kids out and that was pretty much a nightmare. Its a good thing I dont own a gun.I am still in the process of trying to find an agent that is interested in my book. So far though, I haven't had much luck. I just keep hoping that someone willl eventually take a chance on me. I am excited about the movies that are coming out. I can't wait to see Narnia and King Kong. They both look really good. I don't know why, but I love going to the movies around Christmas time. My job has kept me really bust lately as we have had two state inspections the past month. For those that do not work in the social services field these inspections can mean life or death to certain programs and services. So far my program has been doing really well. I have finally completely recovered from the viral infection that I had over the summer, and i have finally started to put some weight back on. Well I guess that is all for now. Later

Giddiness

2005-09-13T10:39:00.000-05:00

Hey Gang.

Happiness. What does it mean? I have no idea, but for the past couple of days I have found myself to be just happy and somewhat giddy. It is an odd feeling. I have no reason as to why this has happened to me. I am usually a slightly cynical and possibly morose person, but lately I have been nice and cheery. Its almost disgusting. Is it because my fantasy football team is kicking ass, or that I finished my book that I have been working on for the past year, is it that I am finally healthy again or is just some chemical imbalance that is effecting my body right now that will correct itself in the near future and return me to my loveable yet hermit like self.

I am usually at my happiest in the early predawn hours when I can sit outside and smoke a really good cigar and listen to the stillness in the air. At that hour it feels like I am the only person in the world. I highly recommend it to anyone.

I may get even happier today as I plan on going out and picking up Terry Brooks new book. It is just such a strange time for me to feel this happiness when there is so much turmoil going on right now. I guess maybe it is just simply that after going through what I did, and then seeing the devastation down south along with the continueing war in Iraq, I am just happy that I am alive.

Alright now lets all join hands and sing Koom-by-ya!!

Just Rambling

2005-09-12T09:28:00.000-05:00

Well another weekend is over. This one was not particular interesting as I did not do much. I did manage to get my backyard cleaned up. It was pretty tore up from my dogs, and from the party I had their a couple of months ago. It can actually pass as livable now. It wasnt really that bad, but I can't belive how clean it looks now. Its amazing what you can do when you get bored. I needed to clean it because I may be getting another dog. I volunteered to take in some of the Hurrican pets from New Orleans. I havent heard back, but I figured I better be ready just in case. Who knew that I was such a humanitarian.

At least this week I wil not be so buried at work. Everyone is back from vacation, and I got my chedule organized so now I plan on sitting on my ass and doing as little as I can get away with for the rest of this week. Its good being the boss.

Happy Dance!!

2005-09-09T11:16:00.000-05:00

Its Friday!!!! Its is also PayDay!!!! I am so glad this week is almost over. even though it was a short week with the Holiday, it seem slike it has taken forever. I have worked my ass off this week trying to play catch up. So now, I am going to kick it old school and realx. I have a new box of Romeo & Juliets that I plan oc cracking into along with a nice bottle of E&J!! The weather is supposed to get pretty hot here so I plan on doing some serious lounging!

It the words of the immortal Homer Simpson....I'm gonna drink a lot of beer and stap up allll night!!

What A Day...

2005-09-07T11:18:00.000-05:00

I am swamped!!! I am so behind on my paperwork do to being off work for awhile. Plus the entire case management department quit last month so guess who gets to do all their work as well??? Thats right little ole me!! Fuckers!!! To top all that off, since I have quite a bit of experience with behavior management, I was also put in charge of all Behavior Plans!!! Double Fuckers!! My House Manager is also on vacation this week so I have to do all the day to day stuff that he handled. It sucks! I get one thing done, and ten more get piled on me. I am up to my ass in meetings and forms!

On a lighter note, has anyone out there seen any stills or previews for the Aeon Flux movie?? Is Charlize Theron fucking hot ot what!!!!! I mean DAMN, that tight form fitting black suit!! Makes me want to cry myself to sleep. I'm going to need a moist towelette just from typing this!!

Well I guess that is all for now. I need a shot and a cigar! Later Days

Im back!

2005-08-29T11:27:00.000-05:00

Well it has been forever and a day since I have last blogged. A few intersting things have happened in that time. I got really sick with a viral infection that knocked me out of action for awhile. I got better, and then had a relapse. I got to meet some nice doctors, and some REALLY nice nurses!!! I am finally now back to being 100% healthy once again.

I was asked by the county that I live in to take over there Adult Probation department which came as a huge surprise. I have as yet to make up my mind on that. It would be a great opportunity, but it would mean loads of responsibility.

Having lots of downtime over the last few weeks was nice in the regards that I was able to get all kinds of writing done. I do not know if it was a combination of all the drugs that I was on or what, but the creative juices were really flowing, and I have completed my book that I have been working on for the past year. Thats pretty exciting though I have no idea what to do next.

I am hoping to be able to blog a little more often now that I am healthy again so ya all around the blogger.

Ready for the weekend!!

2005-07-29T09:49:00.000-05:00

Just like the title says!! This has been kind of a long week, and I am ready to cut loose! I am meeting my best friend in the world tonight and we are going to go pick up my new box of Romeo & Juliet Cigars. I am very excited! Then tomorrow my sister is having an all day party at her house. I am sure a good time will be had by all. On Sunday, I am taking my kids over to the IMAX to catch a movie though I do not know which one yet. Now if I can just make it through this slow ass day. I have absolutely nothing to do at work today which is nice, but it makes the day just crawl by. Oh yeah, I forgot.... its PAYDAY!!!

So hide your women and livestock.......the Hammer is coming out to play!!!!

I am only happy when it rains....

2005-07-27T13:25:00.000-05:00

So it finally rained yesterday. Here in the Midwest there has been a pretty bad drought this year. Everything has turned brown and ugly. Yesterday, I watched from my office window as some dark clouds moved in and by lunch time they just let loose. It rained all day and night. It was as if the clouds had been storing the rain up all summer just for that day.

When I got home, I was able to sit on my front porch and just enjoy the beauty of the rain as it fell. The sky was that perfect shade of gray, and the rain came down steadily for hours. Every now and then a distant thunder clap would roll across the sky. It was almost perfect. I sat back relaxed and enjoyed a new cigar. It was the best that I have felt in awhile. It is amazing how a good rain can wash away the ugliness both physically and figuratively.

I decided right then that I was done feeling like shit, and feeling sorry for myself. I Am still mourning the loss of my friend. It gets real bad when I go to call him to see if he wants to do something, and then I remember that he is gone. That sucks, but I am done walking around like dead person myself. I need to get back to my old charming, witty, yet dreadfully cynical self.

That perfect rain yesterday reinvigrated me, and me feel so alive. Things have been fairly shitty lately, but that is done. God, I love the rain.

Word

2005-07-25T08:39:00.000-05:00

Well I made it through the weekend. Thats a small victory I guess. I spent some time with my kids. That always makes me feel better. We went and seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was pretty good though I did not care for the whole make amends with his Ftather thing. That was kind of stupid. After fighting it kicking and screaming, I am starting to become a huge Johnny Depp fan. I don't know maybe I am going gay in my old age!!

Then I took my kids swimming. It has been so hot here that its miserable. It matches my moods lately. It was so hot, that you could not even get cooled off in the pool. It is supposed to hit 103 degrees again today. I have to work a double today too, which blows big time.

I know this is pretty much just mindless rambling, but it is all I am capable of at this time.

Sup

2005-07-22T09:34:00.000-05:00

Wow, I have not been blogging much lately. My mind has just been on other things I guess. This past month has not been the best, and this past week has been just fucking bad. There is nothing like having a bunch of emotional baggage sneak up on you and bit you right in the ass. I have been so fucked up this past week, and I don't mean drunk though I have been that too.

I just can't figure shit out. I had something tragic happen this week, and some ass told me that it was God's will. I punched him in the mouth, and almost got arrested. I know it wasn't the best or most mature of responses but I wasn't exacty in the right frame of mind to make a rational judgement.

I had to bury a good friend yesterday. At the funeral I also ran into the girl that I really fucked up with and let her get away. She is getting married soon. Talk about an emotional overload. It was a bad, bad day. Lets just say that I am not dealing with the concepts of love and death very well, especially all at once.

Now I am stuck at work, feeling like shit, wanting to rip this fucking computer off my desk and throw it out the fucking window. Why do people die in such meaningless bullshit accidents?

Fuck this, I'm going home, I just cant take this shit anymore

My mind is gone...

2005-07-14T22:50:00.000-05:00

Wow, I have seriously been neglecting this place. I need to blog!!! I am tired though so I will have to wait until tomorrow.

I love this fucking song!

2005-07-08T09:52:00.000-05:00

-Jesus Of Suburbia-
I'm the son of rage and love,
The Jesus of suburbia,
From the bible of "none of the above",
On a steady diet of soda pop and ritalin,
No one ever died for my sins in hell,
As far as I can tell,
At least the ones I got away with
But there's nothing wrong with me,
This is how I'm supposed to be,
In a land of make believe,
That don't believe in me
Get my television fix,
Sitting on my crucifix,
The living room in my private womb,
While the Mom's and Brad's are away,
To fall in love and fall in debt,
To alcohol and cigarettes and Mary Jane,
To keep me insane and doing someone else's cocaine

Another little picy...

2005-06-30T14:28:00.000-05:00

This one is called Bloodlust. I thought it was kinda cool.

Pic Time

2005-06-29T10:10:00.000-05:00

I saw this pic while playing around the internet, and it caught my attention.

Sup

2005-06-28T08:26:00.000-05:00

I feel like it has been forever since I have posted anything, I guess it has only been three days. My weekend was pretty crazy, but in a good way. I spent Friday with my kids which is always fun. Saturday, I actually got to sleep in. That is the first time in almost forever. Then Saturday night, my best friend in the world came up and we went to this kick ass party. I partied my cute little ass off!! I almost converted a lesbian too. It was just that kind of night. Then I spent Sunday at the pool with my kids. My shoulders got burnt to a fucking crisp, but the rest of me is a nice golden brown. Damn lying sunblock.... I finished up the weekend by watching Batman Begins with my oldest son. It rocked!!! THEY FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT.

Then of course it was back to work yesterday. It always sucks when you have a really busy but great weekend to have to wind down by going back to work. Did I ever mention that I hate petty bickering? Well lucky me, thats all I have been dealing with at work. People are such stupid asses that it amazes me that we even evolved.

YEAH!

2005-06-24T09:11:00.000-05:00

My 7 month old son said his first words!! They were Da-da of course as if there would be any doubt. It was very exciting. Though now he says it all the time and won't stop!!!!

My kind of protest

2005-06-21T13:06:00.000-05:00

These people are protesting against cars and aggressive drivers in Spain!! My kind of people....

A bit sad

2005-06-20T23:37:00.000-05:00

I am a little down this evening. I talked to a very good friend of mine earlier this evening and she informed me that she was getting married. At first I was pretty happy for her. We have been friends a long time. We used to be a pretty hot couple back in the day, and we were able to remain close friends even after the relationship burned out.

A couple of months ago, I heard that another ex of mine had gotten married and it didn't really bother me. She and I were never real close and hadn't remained friends. This one though has hit me.

I am really excited for her. She has been through a lot and deserves this kind of happiness. The guy she is marrying is a good guy too. The problem is that Angie is the onle person that ever really got and understood me. She is also the only girl that I ever really fell in love with. I guess I always had this thought in the back of my head that one day she and I would have another chance. Now, that is gone, and it has made me a bit depressed.

She is one of the sexiest, coolest, and funniest persons that I have ever known. I feel kind of selfish too in that here in her big moment I am thinking about myself. So not only am I depressed, I feel bad about being depressed! Life is just funny, and it can really bite you in the ass sometimes.

I don't know what else to say.

Well I'm screwed

2005-06-20T13:39:00.000-05:00

I just had a meeting wth one of my best staff, and she informed me that she can't work third shift anymore! It would not have been so bad, but she gave me no notice. She wants off the schedule on the 22nd!! There is no way in hell that I can fill her shifts that quickly. She is pretty young and going to nursing school so I understand where she is coming from, but fuck a little notice would be nice. Plus, she was damn good at her job. I am so fucked!!

Father's Day?

2005-06-19T22:58:00.000-05:00

Well this weekend started off pretty shitty as I mentioned before. ( I did get to see my kids for about an hour this evening) FridayIi just wallowed in self pity and drank myself to sleep. Saturday I was kidnapped by my best friend and my brother. We ended up closing 3 clubs before catching some breakfast. I crawled home at about 7am today. I slept most of the day which was nice. It gave me the excuse not to call my Dad, not that I really need an excuse. My neighbor friend also came back from her visit tonight so things are looking up.

Father's Day. Its kind of a cruel joke for those of us whose Father's really aren't worth a damn. I know what its like to not really have a father around so thats why I was so pissed when I knew I wouldn't get to see my kids. I am just glad I was able to sleep through most of this day.

Found this intrigueing

2005-06-17T09:40:00.000-05:00

Its called Evil-Temptress. I don't no why, but it speaks to me.

I lost

2005-06-17T08:32:00.000-05:00

Yep, I lost. My kids will be leaving at 1:30 today. They will be gone all weekend which means I will not get to see them for Father's Day. Now, I know I was probably a bad husband, but I am a damn good father. This really fucking bites. I am pissed as hell over this.

As for work, I told the Director today that since I covered everybody's ass yesterday that I wasn't doing shit today. So I plan on sitting in my office and doing nothing. I am taking a long lunch, picking up my check and going the fuck home.

Man this was a shitty week.

Bad Day

2005-06-16T10:28:00.000-05:00

I have just had the shittiest couple of days. Wednesday I had to get up early and drive forever to get to a bullshit seminar that I didn't really need to go to. It got out early which was nice, but my day was still shot because I had to drive 3 hours all the way back home. I was so fucking tired when I got back, but could I rest...Hell no!!

My ex shows up and informs me that she is sending my two older kids to a fucking church camp this weekend. It is supposed to be my weekend with them. Normally I am fine with making changes when the kids have plans, but Church Camp!! It was nice of her to wait to the last minute and tell me too. I had already made plans with my kids for this weekend. We were supposed to go to a big Medieval Faire that they had been looking forward too. SO naturally it ended up in a huge fight.

Finally I just said the hell with it because I don't like fighting with her in front of the kids so I was just going to relent. Then my son who is 10 says that he did not want to go his mom was making him. Well that started a whole new fight. I swear she is so childish. At one point she called me a rather nasty name and started to walk away. All I did was reach out and grab her shoulder to stop her, and she spun around and started screaming that I was abusing her!! It was like the Twilight Zone. She actually said she was going to tell her mom!! What the Fuck!!

So now I don't know what is going to happen. I would let my kids go to the camp if they wanted to, but both have said that they don't. I don't want to force the issue with the psycho, but I feel I need to stand up for my kids.

Lesson in this for you that are playing along at home....DON'T GET MARRIED!

Not to mention that when I get to work today I find out that while I was gone people forgot how to function and decided to pile all their shit on me to take care of!! Fuckers!!

This Blows!

2005-06-14T13:34:00.000-05:00

I just found out that I have to go to another fucking training tomorrow for this damn job. Normally its no big but this training is 3 hours away, and it is for something that I already have. I am going to have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn and drive up near Chicago. God this pisses me off. I may just say fuck it and skip out. Cocksucking bastards!!!

Hair

2005-06-14T09:31:00.000-05:00

Well I am getting my haircut today. I thought I was just going to have it shaved completely off. It has been ungodly hot around here lately, but I think I am going to go with a kind of modified mohawk. The sides will be shaved, but I may keep a strip on top. I am also thinking about dying it platinum blonde. I dont know yet though.

On a side note, my ex is super pissed at me because I let me oldest son get a mohawk. He has wanted one forever. He's ten yeard old now and it is summer so I figured what the fuck.

Art imitating life?

2005-06-13T00:46:00.000-05:00

What a Party

2005-06-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

I had the social event of the summer thus far on Saturday. Man it was a good time. I originally was just planning on a few friends coming over but by the end of the night, I bet there was close to a hundred people. I had two grills going, and went through I don't know how many steaks and brats. I also bet that from everybody bringing their own personal favorite adult beverages, that I had the best stocked bar in town that night. There were people playing poker, a euchre tournament broke out along wit a Polish Horshoes tournament( which me and my partner won).

Most of my neighbors ended up coming over, and even a couple of the patrol officers that were on duty stopped by and hung out for awhile. I whipped up some of my famous Margaritas, and my best friend made up some pitchers of White Russians. Needless to say everybody ended up more than a little drunk.

At one point my newest neighbor two houses down from me came over to complain about the noise. I offered him a steak and cigar, and he stayed too. At first he went back home and returned with his wife and a kickass bottle of tequila. He and his wife are originally from Mexico. She brought some homemade enchiladas, and he made the best fucking Tequila Sunrises that I ever had. His wife even went into my kitchen and made up a huge bowl of Sangria!! He was my partner that I won the Polish Horseshoe tournament with. He is a big cigar nut too, and promised me that he could get his hands on some Cubans!!!

It was the best party I have been a part of in a long time. There has already been talk about planning something for the Fourth of July. I did have to get up and clean the mess up today, but I had some help from my cute little punker neighbor though she was pretty hung over.

I just ended up taking it easy today, and hung out at a friend's pool. I got a decent tan, but man I am dreading the start of the work week.

TGIF

2005-06-10T08:50:00.000-05:00

Man I am glad this week is almost over. It wasn't a really bad week, but it was busy. I had to deal with so many stupid petty problems that I could literally jump in front of the next bus and end it all. I swear sometimes my staff is made up of children. They act slower and more confused than the clients we help. I feel like I have to hold their hands through everything. I have a meeting with them today, and I am going to clean house and lay down some law. I just want to climb up on the table and scream as loud as I can for them to grow the hell up. Don't get me wrong, I love being the boss, but sometimes its a real pain in the ass.

On a happier note, it is Friday, and my new Cigars will be waiting for me when I get home!! I got a box of Helix. So there will be plenty of Cigars and Jack consumed this fine weekend. I have a get togethor planned for Saturday. I will be grilling steaks and mixing drinks!!! A good time will be had by all.....

Give these a try

2005-06-09T10:25:00.000-05:00

JackHammer
1oz Jack Daniels
1oz Amaretto
Serve over ice

Jack Hammer II
1/2 oz Jack Daniels
1/2 oz Tequila
Pour into shot glass and slam it

Irish Hammer
1 part Jack Daniels
1 part Irish Mist
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
shake with ice and strain into shot glass

Hot Pic

2005-06-06T14:33:00.000-05:00

Episode III

2005-06-06T10:10:00.000-05:00

I finally saw Star Wars Episode III this weekend. I think it was definately the best of the three newer films. It still did not have that same feeling as the original movies though. I think Lucas got too caught up in the special effects and lost track of the human elemant that these films have. Darth Vader has always been one of my favosite movie characters of all time so it was nice to see his origins. I have to admit that when Palpatine firts named Anakin Darth Vader and that theme played in the background, I got a little choked up. The original movies were such a huge part of my childhood, and now that they are complete there is a bit of void. I here rumors that Lucas is considering doing a live action TV series. This could be interesting.

My favorite of all the movies is still Empire Strikes Back. My the force be with you all....

Neighbor

2005-06-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

So I have been hanging out with my neighbor the last couple of months. She is quite a bit younger than I am, don't worry she is legal. She comes over a few nights a week and just hangs out and keeps me company. For awhile things were pretty plutonic and then she started getting a little friendlier and let it be know that she was interested in a shall we say a closer friendship. Now here I am a seperated guy living alone with an extremely hot punk rock chick who is around 12 year younger than I am wanting to do more than just hang out. No, this is n't going to be a problem.

I fought off temptation for awhile, but shit I am a man!! Well we fooled around a couple of times and then Mr. Happy made an appearance so I figured things were going to get really complicated. To my surprise however, things have been really cool. She has acted more mature than I was giving her credit for.

Now though, I am getting the impression that she is waiting for Mr. Happy to put in another appearance. I figured that would happen. I am torn as to what to do. She is so cool that I don't want to just use her and have her end up getting hurt. On the other hand she is hot and willing.!! Thats a deadly combo.

I have talked to her and explained that I am not interested in anything more than a friendship. She claims that she understand and that that is cool with her, but I just don't know if someone that young can just have a physical relationship without getting emotionally attached. I am not one of those dicks that just doesn't care. I really enjoy her friendship, but a part of me really wants to jump back into bed with her. I just don't want to feel that I am using her, but basically I guess I would be even though she said she agreed with me.

Fuck I knew this would get complicated, but if this shit was easy then it just wouldn't be me.

More Gospel

2005-06-02T12:32:00.000-05:00

I have found that there really is nothing worth watching on TV

Why is gluttony considered a sin when you are the only person that knows what really makes you truely happy?

I think that school kids can learn more about society and the world as a whole from the X-Men comic books than they ever could from text books.

Dutch Apple Pie.....need I say more

There are very few problems that a good cigar cannot solve.

Is sex ever just sex or does there have to be some strings attached? Stay tuned, I am still working on that...

Speaking of sex, the best place to do it....the shower!

Why is it that the older I get, the more I like to drink wine?

Coffee=life Jack Daniels=Nirvana(not the band)

Are you considered a racist if you hate everybody equally?

The Gospel of WarHammer....to be continued

Life in General

2005-06-02T11:20:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting around last night and it dawned on me that for the first time in a pretty long time, I was content. This past year to year and a half has been fairly tumultous. At times I have felt overwhelmed and disgruntled with the direction my life was taking. The past two months however things have seemed to calm down. I took a new job, and that has been a huge burden lifted.

My wife and I seperated a year ago, and the after effects of that have finally mellowed out. I have my own house and space which is nice. I am a pretty misanthropic person so Its nice to have some alone time.

I have some friends that I am close too, and have been able to hang out with more often. My Brother and I have been mended a rift and gotten close again. Things just seem to be leveling out for me, and for the first time in forever, I feel good about what I am doing and who I am doing it with.

Oh sure I am still the king of poor decison making skills but now I don't feel so overwhelmed by each decision. I don't know, maybe its the Jack Daniels doing the talking....

Putting things in perspective

2005-05-30T19:41:00.000-05:00

The Boys Out There

It is the veteran, not the preacher
who has given us freedon of religion

It is the veteran, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.

I is the veteran, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the veteran, not the campus organizer,
who has given us the freedom to assemble.

It is the veteran, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the veteran, not the politician,
who has given us the right to vote.

It is the veteran, who salutes the flag,
who serves under the flag,
whose coffin is draped by the flag.

Weekend

2005-05-29T23:49:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a decent weekend so far. My sister had a get togethor at her house on Saturday. Man, I got tore up from the floor up!!! I got to hang out with my best friend in the whole world who I do not see much. We laughed and partied all night. I felt like crap most of the day today, but it was definately worth it.

Tomorrow, i have to go see my dad and attend a Memorial Day service. My Dad and I don't get along that well so this should be interesting. Plus my estranged wife is going. We have been seperated for almost a year now, so my day is pretty much shot before it even starts. Thank god my brother is going to be there or I would probably freak out and kill everybody.

I did hang out with my cute little neighbor chick for awhile today. Things did not get as weird as I thought. Though I have a feeling that I am headed for trouble, but hey, it just wouldn't be me if things weren't complicated.....

What a week

2005-05-26T19:09:00.000-05:00

Well it has been an interesting week so far. I have been extremely busy at work. The week started off with me having a fling with my much younger friend who is also my nextdoor neighbor!! Talk about starting things off with a bang. Now I am worried though that things are going to be weird between us. She comes over and hangs out at my house a lot andI just hope its not all awkward and crap. She is pretty cool little punk rock chick. I guess I will find out tonight. She is supposes to come over later.

I had to go to the State Capitol for a couple of days to go through the most boring training that has ever existed. It sucked. The only good thing was the little corner bar that was by my hotel. The traing sucked, but the partying was goooood!!

Then today, I fired someone!!! I know its kind of cruel to enjoy that, but I don't give a fuck. It Rocked!!! This person was a complete jackass so I don't feel too bad. So know I am drunk with power, and probably later on tonight I will be drunk on other things.

That is all.

A little Tip

2005-05-23T08:39:00.000-05:00

Never use an iron when you are dressed only in Spider-Man boxers......OUCH! Lets just say that ole Spidey won't be slinging any webs for awhile.....

Ramblings....

2005-05-22T10:11:00.000-05:00

In my opinion, you have the worst hangovers after getting a good shine on from drinking wine. God, what a headache.

The Tao of Steve was actually a pretty good and introspective movie.

Getting a new tattoo is the closest thing to a spiritual experience that I have had.

Is foreplay better than the actual sex.....sometimes.

I cannot wait for the Fantastic 4 movie to come out later this summer.

I think GreenDay's American Idiot album is the best album of the last 10 years. It just edges the White Stripe's Elephant.

I absolutely refuse to say "excuse me' after I belch.

I could eat steak and/or burritoes for every meal and never tire of them.

Whoever invented the Jack and Coke should have a National Holiday.

these are but a brief glimpse into the Gospel of WarHAmmer....

Responsibility...

2005-05-20T09:11:00.000-05:00

Lately I have been a tad depressed. I have come to the understanding that I am no longer a young carefree juvenile delinquent. I am now in charge of peoples' lives. I am the Coordinator for CILA homes, and just recently I became an investigator for the Office of the Inspector General. That means I have to process crime scenes and collect evidence and interview witnesses for any case that involve abuse or neglect of disabled individuals. I could be responsible for helping put people in jail or at the least ruining there careers. Thats just a bit more responsibility than I am used to, and it pretty much scares the pooh out of me. I still feel like that wild anti-establishment punk, but the weight of responsibility has really caught up with me. I never thought this day would come. I still fight the good fight in my own way, but I'm just not that in your face kid anymore, and it makes me sad.

A Hangover Monologue

2005-05-17T08:33:00.000-05:00

So as I was lying on my couch with a pretty good buzz going, watching the room spin and feeling my stomach turn I believe I hit upon a few moments of pure clarity. I met a girl last night, and had a pretty good time hanging out with her. We sat and had a few drinks and just talked while the music played in the background. Thats all it was, just a few moments of fun. Isn't that enough though? She gave me a smile after one particular witty comment that made me believe in all things good. I think the greatest misconception in this screwed up world of ours is the concept of love. Love is the most overrated ideal I have ever been apart of. Who decided what love is and how long it should last? People spend their whole lives looking for their soulmate or their one true love. It is the biggest waste of time. Their is simply no such thing. Why can't love last a moment, and hour, a day or whatever? It is the moment of here and now that is important. If you can find a happiness or a gratification in this moment then you are living. When that moment passes don't feel sorry for yourself, feel good that you were able to experience that moment, and then live the next moment. That is all life is anyway, a series of moments. Why not enjoy them? I don't need forever, I need right now. Everyone is afraid of death or dying. Thats crazy!! Everybody is going to die, that should be the excuse you need to live every moment because you have no idea what moment is your last. You can find bliss in any moment. I shared a great moment with this girl last night, and I will probably never see her again, and that does not bother me becuase I lived to the fullest in the moment we did share. Isn't that love at is purest form? I know some may read this and think I am a bitter person. They could not be more wrong. I am extremely happy in my own way. Sure I have a cyncal view of the world, but anyone close to may age (I'm 32) who grew up in the day and age that I did almost has to be cynical. That does not mean that I am wrong though. I look forward to the next moment I experience. Maybe more will happen or possibly less, but that does not matter because the experience of the moment is what is key. For Gods sake people live and love in the moment and for the moment because when you really get down to the guts of it the moment is all we have....until the next moment can be lived.

weird feeling...

2005-05-16T23:53:00.000-05:00

So I found this evening that an ex girlfriend of mine is getting married. I am not really sure how I feel about this. I have to admit I was a tad startled when I first found out. She and I used tolive togethor back in the day, and we were pretty hot for awhile. I haven't spoken to this girl in a couple of year, but I have thought about her from time to time. We split up amicably, and have since gone our seperate ways, but it was still weird to hear this news. Oh well, I guess that is what they invented alcohol for.

Work blows.

2005-05-16T11:02:00.000-05:00

I get so tired of having to go to a JOB everyday. I wish there was some way to make money and do nothing. I have considered male prostitution but the clientele would be a bit creepy. At least I am the boss. That rocks. The power is addicting. Sometimes I tell my staff "no" just to see them get pissed. I know its wrong, but what the hell. Whats the use of being in charge if you can't have any fun.

Virgin post

2005-05-16T10:52:00.000-05:00

Yes this is my first time. So be gentle...